Saturday, December 18, 2010

Philosophical thoughts...

So, as you understand from the title, if you are not interested in my thoughts, then wait for the next entry:)

For the ones, who are still left here...

I left from Shianda, because I felt that I need a break and I need to get to know new places and new people. Now, what is the most funny thing is that even though I left Shianda, Wefoco and Shianda are still in my everyday life. Even I am not there at the moment, but I feel like I am doing even more for Shianda. Call me Shianda:) I am writing articles for newspapers, answering emails, updating databases and lobbying about WEFOCO.

Second thing that I noticed is that if I work here the way I work: on my own and following my own schedule, I do not give myself a break. My thoughts are always on work stuff and other tasks. I came here to write. So even if I am not writing all day, that sometimes can happen, the paper and pen are always next to me and I am making notes. Sometimes, the days when you are not writing, can be even more productive in the end, because in my thoughts the new chapter is written. And next day I just write it down.

Next to the things mentioned above, I want to rest - to have my privacy and not to talk with anybody if I feel like this. Here I can really close the door and to do my own things.

Today was the first day when I felt that I am not tired any more, I feel great and I am actually waiting to get back to Shianda :) Two Estonians are coming there for Christmas and another ones donated money to buy food for the local people, so it feels like I should be there during Christmas. After that, January and February seem to come very busy.

And I am waiting for Mirjam...Talking about Mirjam, while reading her letters (first from Kenya and then from New Zealand), I feel like this trip is way more bigger thing for her than for me. She gets excited and she gets amazed and She is not tired. Seems like she came to do this trip to find herself or peace in herself, but I am discovering the world. Learning from the world is a tricky thing, because the more I see and experience, everything gets more and more relative. In one village, there can live two neighbors in exactly the same conditions and they can have totally opposite personalities and they can think totally differently about the world and their lives. We all want to be very unique and special, but then we tend to group other people by their nationality, skin color, religion, education level, profession or anything else like that. Does it make any sense? So, experiencing all this makes it sometimes quite difficult to express opinion or make to conclusions, because there are at least two sides of every story. Therefore, I have stopped making conclusions or "tagging" groups of people. I can only describe what I see. But I can not see all. "I am not young enough to know everything."

So, isn't is funny? You get loads of experiences and you see so many different life stories, but instead of having more statements and answers, you actually have less. Maybe you have more respect and more understanding about different cultures and therefore, instead of saying something, you are rather quiet.

But again, thinking about Mirjam and her excitement about travelling and new cultures, I got first time the thought that maybe everything that is happening to me is a normal reaction, as I have not lived in my country for 2 years. Maybe I should go there and have normal life routine for some time. And may be if I start travelling again, I would also write like Mirjam. But on the other hand, I feel that at the moment in Kenya I can see things more like "insider" not observer and I like this feeling.

I am reading several blogs about people who are "travelling around the world" in one year and who are preparing themselves for a long time to "let it all go". I have been "living in the world" for 2 years and it just has happened like this. First, I went just for 5 months and I remember how excited and happy I was during the first months about my decision.

Yes, there are new and old places and people as well who I want to see and meet. There are so many things in my "list" and I am doing a lot of things. I feel like chasing my dreams constantly. 

The end :)

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